I’m a planner. I always have been and I always will be. I like to know what I’m doing, when I’m doing it, and where I’ll be. Let’s get it on my calendar at least a week in advance so that I can plan my schedule. A month in advance would be even better.
Now I don’t know what what I’m doing until the moment it happens. And even then, I don’t really know.
It’s been really hard for me to adjust to this and even harder for me to stay patient and in good spirits. For some people, this lack of planning might not be a problem. But for me, it’s extremely stressful and causes more anxiety that I care to admit. I have to keep telling myself to just breathe and be patient. That’s so much easier said than done.
For example, take what happened today:
7:30am – Wake up. Birthmom sees that I’m awake and immediately starts speaking to me in Korean. Wait, what did you say? She sets a plate of fruit next to me. I eat a banana and some apples for breakfast.
8:00am – Turn on my computer, get some Peaceful Media work done, screw around with my blog, catch up on emails. Working gives me some feeling of normalcy.
12:00pm – Eat lunch with birthmom and her boyfriend at the apartment. We ate curry with rice. Gosh, I’ve been eating a lot of rice. I need more vegetables. I don’t think I’ve pooped in days.
12:30pm – Leave the apartment for a bike ride… I think? Get on the bus and ride it for an undetermined amount of time to an undetermined location. Wait a minute… I thought we were riding bikes by the river near the apartment. We could’ve walked there. Where are we going?
1:00pm – Fall asleep on the bus.
1:15pm – Get off the bus. My birthmom seems to be in a hurry. Why are we rushing? Do we have an appointment somewhere? Are we going to the adoption agency? She mentioned something about that yesterday. It’s really cold and windy. It’s hard for me to keep up with her because she’s basically running.
1:30pm – Birthmom has been asking a lot of people how to get somewhere. She doesn’t know where we’re going? I’m trying to contain my frustration. What are we doing? Who are we meeting?
1:35pm – Observe many plastic surgery centers. I’ve seen a lot of those.
1:45pm – Continue following my birthmom while she is on the phone with someone. Is it my uncle? Is he picking us up? Why did we take the bus here? She walks one way, stops and turns around, then walks back the other way. *Breathe, Cara, breathe*
2:00pm – Tiny Korean woman runs up to us and hugs me. Hi, tiny Korean woman. Who are you? She grabs hold of my hand and the three of us start walking somewhere. She’s not dressed for a bike ride… those are loafers that she’s wearing. Who is this woman? This is kinda adorable that she’s holding my hand. Gosh, she’s so tiny.
2:05pm – Walk by a shop with a golden retriever in the doorway. I stop and pet him (it’s the first big dog that I’ve seen this whole trip… all the dogs are what can only be classified as “little fluffies”). I feel a bit better now.
2:10pm – Arrive at tiny Korean woman’s house. She gives us tea and apples (I realize that I’ve been eating tons of apples). We leave her house with her bike–it has two flat tires. Why don’t we have two bikes? I’m so glad it’s not a tandem bike.
2:15pm – Follow birthmom. Find a bike shop where we pump up the tires.
2:20pm – Approach a bike rack, unlock a bike (I’m guessing it’s her friend’s other bike), then walk the bikes towards another undetermined location. Why aren’t we riding the bikes? Is there a law against riding bikes on the road? This looks like a bike path. Wait a minute, there are other people riding bikes. Let’s get on our bikes! It would be so much faster!
2:30pm – Walk up to the Han River (it’s huge). Get on the bikes, start riding. Are we riding towards something or are we just riding for fun? I have to remind myself to relax, have fun, and enjoy the scenery. I don’t like feeling like I’m trying to catch up but that’s how I’ve been feeling all day.
3:00pm – Koreans seem to take bike riding very seriously. They’re decked out from head to toe in their riding outfits, riding gloves, hats, glasses, backpacks, and face masks. I look ridiculous.
4:00pm – Head back to the apartment (I think?). Stop. Get off the bikes, leave them by the path. Will they get stolen? Start walking back in the same direction that we just came from. What the heck is happening? Stop on a bridge, take a picture with a pot of flowers. Walk back towards the bikes. Birthmom runs a little bit. I continue walking. Phew, the bikes are still there.
4:15pm – Walk the bikes towards the apartment (yay, I recognize this area!). Why aren’t we riding them? Stop at a store. Get some vegetables. Go home. I guess we’re not meeting my uncle tonight.
Do I know what we’re doing tomorrow? Nope. What about the next day? Nope. This weekend? No idea. *SIGH*
Breathe, Cara, breathe.